In a scheduling mix-up that is being described by some as divine irony, Wichita couple Thomas and Thelma Bagger, who had traveled to our nation’s capitol for Saturday’s Tea Party rally, instead found themselves in the center of the National Equality March for gay and lesbian rights which took place a day later.
The confusion was apparently caused when Mrs. Bagger received an e-mail from her sister that contained the incorrect date for the Tea Party rally. Unfortunately Thelma, who only turns on her computer once a week for fear of allowing in the Devil, missed the follow-up e-mail which corrected the mistake.
The Baggers joined the protest at the intersection of 15th and K Street and were immediately impressed by both the turnout and the spirited, and colorful, marchers. The couple was thrilled when young men sprinkled them with what they called “fairy dust,” and they delighted in the many religiously themed signs in the crowd, but their initial approval soon turned to confusion. Though they could find nothing technically wrong with slogans such as “Jesus had Two Daddies,” the blatantly false “God Loves Fags” left them scratching their heads.
The full horror of their situation, however, did not become apparent until Rosie O’Donnell introduced herself to Thelma, and Thomas realized that she wanted to have “unnatural relations” with his wife: “I could tell she wasn’t gonna take no for an answer, so I told Thelma it was okay. God don’t call it a sin if you go gay in self-defense.”
When asked how he failed to notice what was going on around him until the march was well under way, Mr. Bagger admitted that he had noticed some “mighty odd things,” but he believed his ignorance was the result of a deeply held faith in human decency: “I thought I was surrounded by straight, God-fearing, Obama hating capitalists, so I said to myself ‘who am I to judge?’