Monday, May 18, 2015

Tribe

A couple of weeks ago, I joined a few friends, and a whole bunch of strangers, in the desert for 48 hours of “building tribe.” My intention for the weekend was to provide energy and support, and to feel the collective energy of a bunch of like-minded people—all of which I did—but I also did much, much more.

That weekend, I overcame my fear and walked on fire, and I formed deeper connections with existing friends and met people with whom I feel deep connections are possible. I also thought, a lot, about the notion of tribe and what it means in my life, and this is what I have come up with:

Tribe is energy--Good, clean, concentrated, fluid, amorphous, life-sustaining energy.

Tribe is history, both ancient and modern, shared knowledge, common experiences, new adventures, and constantly forming memories.

Tribe is recognition--of kink, of soul, of energy, of family, of the ties the bind, and the journeys we have taken.

Tribe is love--Romantic, friendly, sexual, sensual, primal, passionate love.

Above all, tribe is acceptance. Tribe is the place where to thine own self you must be true because tribe demands authenticity and fiercely protects your most honest self.

The tribal energy in my life waxes and wanes—currently the members of my chosen family are spread over three continents and separated by busy lives and non-tribal obligations—but I embrace its ever changing nature because change brings growth, both of the tribe as new energies enter, and of myself.

So tribe, to me, is energy, and history, and recognition, and love, and acceptance--and very, very necessary.

Monday, April 27, 2015

Elust #69!

sexhobby 
Photo courtesy of Sex Is My New Hobby

Welcome to Elust #69 -

 

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you're looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it'll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #70? Start with the rules, come back May 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

 

Bully for you
Watching Me
Red in Tooth and Claw
 

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

 

He's Got Her
Subject/Object/My Desire
 

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

 

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*


All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Monday, March 23, 2015

Consent: A play in one act


Scene: A munch, sometime before today.
Characters:
Your friendly, neighborhood wench
SoleFood (her main squeeze)
Skippy: A male acquaintance
~~~
Skippy—speaking to SoleFood: “Do you mind if I do something to your wife?”

SoleFood: “Well, she isn’t my wife, yet, but, regardless, you should really ask her.”

Skippy: “But this thing could get me in trouble.”

SF: “Again, she is an autonomous being—speak to her.”

Skippy turns to the wench in question and, without speaking to her, grabs her arm, pulls up her sleeve, and pinches her hard enough to leave two bruises.

Wench: “If you ever do that again, I will punch you, hard.”

Wench storms off stage left.

And…scene.
~~~
So, yeah, this happened—and sure, a pinch on the arm may not seem like a big deal to some, but it was—and what it says is huge. It says that, to some, my consent in this community means little. It says that if I am partnered with a man that this man must speak for me. It says that there are people out there who think they can grab a woman and cause her pain without any type of permission whatsoever. 

This isn’t the first time I have written about this (exhibit A), but this is the first time I walked away with actual bruises, and every time I think about it, it pisses me off all over again. I am just so tired of having to fight for what I feel should be assumed without question--namely, that I have ultimate control over what happens to my body.  

Yes, we are in a community that engages in power exchange. And sure, a woman may give the power of permission to some other individual—but if you want to know if that dynamic exists, ask her, and recognize that it is she who has given that power.  The default simply HAS to be that consent lies with the individual.

This is an important discussion because these consent violations are not always being committed by those we consider predators. Seriously. This guy is not the creepster that girls need to be warned about. He has sincerely apologized and will most likely not be making the same mistake any time soon. But it doesn’t really matter in the moment if the person who is treating you as less than a fully-functioning human being is misguided or an actual predator—it sucks either way. 

So—let’s make this simple: Don’t. If you do not have permission from or through the person whose body you want to touch--just don’t. That’s it.  Just. Fucking. Don’t.

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Elust 68!

MollyHeader 
Photo courtesy of Molly's Daily Kiss

 

Welcome to Elust #68 -

 

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you're looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it'll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #69? Start with the rules, come back April 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates! For our UK readers, we would like to make a special request that you take a moment and fill out this petition to repeal the new censorship laws.

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

A Misunderstanding With My Clitoris
BDSM Doesn't Magically Fix Your Life
Discussing Consent, Culture, and What We Do    

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

 

Other people run. I fuck.
Frame by Frame  

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

 

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too* Bad Men and Why Perfectly Intelligent, Independent, Sane Women Fantasize About Them All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!