Last month at OPEN we discussed deal breakers in our non-monogamous relationships. It, of course, got me thinking about my own deal breakers, both in terms of possible new relationships and what might kill an existing relationship—this is what I have come up with:
1. Monogamy. I know this may sound silly considering the topic, but I have been asked more than once if I met the right man, would I then become monogamous. The answer is no, because non-monogamy has nothing to do with whether or not I have found the “right” person. I understand that different relationships have different guidelines of what is acceptable, but non-monogamy in some form will always be on the table.
2. Absolute veto power. My last relationship ended because one of the three involved had that absolute power, and when the emotional connection between the other two became more than she wanted, she used it. I understand a need for veto power, but it must be a last resort. Once everyone is emotionally involved, using that power without intense discussion simply cannot be an option. I will not put myself in that position again.
3. I cannot be a secret. If you can’t tell your other partner/s about me, then we simply should not be considering a relationship.
4. The cover-up. I do not know if my partner having sex with someone outside of our boundaries would end the relationship, that would require discussion—but I do know that covering up that act, or covering up anything that would have an impact on our relationship, would. Mistakes happen, dishonesty is deliberate.
5. Putting my health at risk. I don’t care if you don’t like wearing condoms—if we are fluid bonded there can’t be any other fluid bonding with anyone else unless I agree. I offer the same in return.
I think that just about covers it.