Scene: A munch, sometime before today.
Characters:
Your friendly, neighborhood wench
Danny (her main squeeze)
Skippy: A male acquaintance
~~~
Skippy—speaking to Danny: “Do you mind if I do something
to your wife?”
Danny: “Well, she isn’t my wife, yet, but, regardless,
you should really ask her.”
Skippy: “But this thing could get me in trouble.”
Danny: “Again, she is an autonomous being—speak to her.”
Skippy turns to the wench in question and, without speaking
to her, grabs her arm, pulls up her sleeve, and pinches her hard enough to
leave two bruises.
Wench: “If you ever do that again, I will punch you, hard.”
Wench storms off stage left.
And…scene.
~~~
So, yeah, this happened—and sure, a pinch on the arm may not
seem like a big deal to some, but it was—and what it says is huge. It says that,
to some, my consent in this community means little. It says that if I am
partnered with a man that this man must speak for me. It says that there are
people out there who think they can grab a woman and cause her pain without any
type of permission whatsoever.
This isn’t the first time I have written about this (exhibit A), but this is the first time I walked away with actual bruises, and every
time I think about it, it pisses me off all over again. I am just so tired of
having to fight for what I feel should be assumed without question--namely,
that I have ultimate control over what happens to my body.
Yes, we are in a community that engages in power exchange.
And sure, a woman may give the power of permission to some other individual—but
if you want to know if that dynamic exists, ask her, and recognize that it is
she who has given that power. The
default simply HAS to be that consent lies with the individual.
This is an important discussion because these consent
violations are not always being committed by those we consider predators.
Seriously. This guy is not the creepster that girls need to be warned about. He
has sincerely apologized and will most likely not be making the same mistake
any time soon. But it doesn’t really matter in the moment if the person who is
treating you as less than a fully-functioning human being is misguided or an
actual predator—it sucks either way.
So—let’s make this simple: Don’t. If you do not have
permission from or through the person whose body you want to touch--just don’t. That’s it.
Just. Fucking. Don’t.
2 comments:
I'd be fucking furious if someone did that to me - so yeah, I can see why you're pissed off. What an entitled fucktard!
xx Dee
What a jerk! I would have pinched him a good one right back. Dee said what I was originally thinking, so we are both mad for you.
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