Tuesday, November 24, 2015

I want to be your totally submissive little slut (sort of)

I want to submit completely. I want to indulge in that space with a person whom I trust with both my submission and my life. I want to lower all walls, let go of societal expectations, and escape into a world where he or she is my only responsibility. I want to exist only for pleasure, to be a servant, a fuck toy. I want to give up the ability to say no with a dominant who would never do anything to make me regret that decision.

The thing is, though, I only want to be that girl for a couple of days—tops.

I could never be that girl on a regular basis. If I tried I guarantee that either the dominant would die when my need to assert myself becomes a murderous impulse that I cannot deny—or I would die from the sheer effort of trying to contain it.

I am a service-oriented person in general, but this takes that to a whole new level—a level that is both slightly terrifying and exciting as hell. There is something wonderfully freeing about not having a say in the decision making process, and in having an existence that is so clearly, and rigidly, defined. There is something ridiculously hot about that definition consisting entirely of keeping the person whose dominance excites me happy. And there is something deep, and spiritual, and magical in having my focus entirely on that person as I submit, in existing in a space that has little to do with the outside world, or reality, or anything but the connection between us.

For this to happen, I have to go away from everything I know, every reminder of every day life, because if I am going to indulge to that degree I need a clear mental and physical separation between fantasy and reality. I need to be able to leave that girl behind so that I don’t get lost in her, because as nice as that space would be to visit, I am pretty sure I would not want to live there.

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

You don't need my permission to fuck my lover

...or talk to him, or have coffee/dinner/drinks with him. You need his permission--period.

Really, that is it. Granted, he and I do have strict rules about STI testing and putting one's dick in crazy, so he isn't exactly waving said dick around hoping it will land in someone, but if the conditions of our relationship are met, and all appropriate consents are in place, he can have sex with whomever he likes. He can also kiss whomever he likes, play with whomever he likes, and generally spend time with whomever he likes (all three of which are much more likely to happen than actual sex!).

I have written several times about how much it pisses me off when people ask him for permission to do anything to my body (see exhibits A and B), so it would be hypocritical of me to expect permission about his body and/or time to be asked of me.

Do we discuss time we are going to spend with others? Of course. Do we discuss any potential sex or any possible play outside of a party? Absolutely. But the reality is that we do not give each other "permission" in anything but the larger sense.

Do I want basic courtesy from anyone with whom he is involved? Yes, yes I do. They need to know I exist, and they need to be respectful of my time and relationship. But, they are not under any obligation to run anything past me.

He is the one who has to check with me, to make sure I am okay, to see if I have any reservations. He is in this relationship and so owes that to me as the other person in the relationship (as he owes it to anyone else he may be in a serious relationship with).

I generally feel the same way about anyone I am going to play with, though if their partner would like to talk to me first I certainly respect that. My basic feeling is that we are all adults, and I trust if someone is going to play with me they have whatever their version of permission is for said play.

I do tend to thank their partners after the play as a gesture of community and niceness and all-around good feeling, and I like it when someone does the same with me--but, to me, that is not the same as asking for permission. That is acknowledging that another person shared their time and energy (in the form of their lover) with me, and the openness is appreciated.