Recently I celebrated my birthday weekend (yes, I have an entire weekend.
Okay, I actually have an entire week because I am just that damn special).
Anyway…
I had planned the events of this weekend well in advance—the schedule was
supposed to look like this:
Party on Friday night in Cleveland, sleep in Cleveland, drive to Toledo for
energy meeting on Saturday, go from Toledo to Mayfield Heights for a party,
sleep in Mayfield Heights, come home Sunday and have party with college
friends.
Fairly simple—busy, but simple—and it would have all gone according to plan
if I hadn’t met J and L and decided that plans are overrated.
On Friday night I went to the party as planned, and got lit on fire as
planned, and had a great time as planned—but when I was finished playing I
realized that the party was not where I wanted to be. It was going to be
midnight, and officially my birthday, in just over an hour and I wanted to
spend it with my new lovers—but they were more than an hour away in the
opposite direction of Toledo and it made no sense whatsoever to go there.
Luckily, making sense is not generally a goal of mine, so I sent them a
text:
“Theoretically—if I were to start driving and get to your house in just over
an hour, would you be awake?”
The answer was yes, and I was able to celebrate my birthday in their bed.
The next night I was at the other party and I once again found myself where
I didn’t really want to be—so once again I made the drive to be in my lovers’
bed by midnight.
This got me thinking about the boxes I wrote about some months ago in my
former relationship. My time with my lover was so scheduled that I didn’t feel
free to be spontaneous, or to even suggest time outside of our routine. I had a
good time, and I enjoyed the energy we shared when we were together, but the
box I was in did not allow me to feel as special as I need to feel.
Now I am in a relationship with people who, in their words, “can’t get
enough of me,” and who answer when I call at completely inappropriate times and
say I want to see you. We are all busy, so when we find time to be together we
go for it. I don’t plan on making it a habit to show up at their house in the
middle of the night—but it is nice to know that I can.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Out of the box
Labels:
Me,
Non-monogamy,
Polyamory,
Relationships,
Sex
Friday, November 11, 2011
The shape of poly
When I first started exploring poly, my relationships
consisted of my partner, myself, and another female. In my mind that
was the only combination--it wasn't that I was closed to others, I just
was so busy looking at my life, and my situation, that I didn't really think
about other possibilities. To me, this triangle was poly.
At that time my poly community was also pretty small, so
there weren't a whole lot of different relationship structures from which I
could learn. Every poly relationship I knew was the man with his two women, and
in all of those relationships it seemed as if the women were also involved to
some degree, though their main relationship was always with the man. It
was somewhat like a triangle with two solid sides and one dotted line between
the women.
It wasn't until my last relationship that I started really
looking at the all of the many, many varieties of poly that are out there. In
that relationship it was myself, my partner, and his other girlfriend, but she
and I had no real emotional or sexual connection—so now instead of a triangle I
had a V. I didn't go into that relationship expecting a triangle (hell, I
barely went into it expecting a relationship), but when she and I did meet I
had to do some mental adjusting when I realized that for the first time I would
not be involved sexually with my partner's other partner. It was a quick
adjustment, however, and I was happy being one of the points on his V,
though I knew that at some point it would not be enough.
Now I am in an entirely different poly situation and I must
do some more adjusting. I find myself once again in a triangle, but in this relationship I am the girlfriend to an engaged
couple. It started as a connection with him, but now I am as equally
her girlfriend as I am his, so I am not entirely sure what this triangle
looks like--a solid line between the two of them, certainly, and maybe lighter
solid lines between me and both of them.
This has really gotten me thinking about what poly is to me,
and how I want it to manifest in my life. I realize that what I want is a combination
of all of these relationships. I know that a closed triangle is not what I
want, and I don't just want to be a point on a V with no other relationships,
but beyond that I am open. I don't have a perfect poly family type in mind, but
my poly family is growing and I don't want to put limits on that growth. All I
know at this point is that I want to share love, and energy, and sex, and life
with people who make me happy, regardless of what shape the relationships
eventually take.
Labels:
BDSM,
Me,
Non-monogamy,
Polyamory,
Relationships
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