There are times when my mind shuts down a bit—when I
go inside myself as a direct result of the influence of other people. Sometimes
this is a matter of self-protection, and sometimes it is a wonderful, meditative
escape. It all depends on whose influence is being exerted.
There are
really two types of other-people-induced mental vacation. The first is more of a
shut-down than a vacation. I am a social person, but sometimes I just reach a
point of mental over-stimulation and I need to go away and be where others are
not, or at least where the bulk of others are not. This usually happens at a
party when I have spent hours listening to people talk and adjusting to the
music (dungeon parties are way too fond of Norwegian death metal). Eventually my
brain can no longer deal with the noise and I either have to go off by myself
or, preferably, have a person whose energy can absorb mine take me to a quiet
corner and help me refocus. This doesn’t cure the over-stimulation—if we rejoin
the party it still exists—but it makes it bearable for a time.
The other
type of mental vacation is entirely about being completely engaged with the
energy created by the person, or people, I am with--and about being content, and
satisfied, and happy to just exist. In this case it is not about
over-stimulation, but about balance, and energy that is stimulated just enough
to calm me. I just reach a point when I no longer want to talk (though I am
happy to listen to them talk). I don’t want to watch television, or listen to
music, or do anything but sit and enjoy the peace that comes with this feeling.
It is a sort of trance—a wee touch of subspace. It is the only time when my mind
lets go of the insanity caused by the chaos that I surround myself with and lets
go of its defenses.
That space is when I am at
my most vulnerable. When I am in that space there is
nothing but trust and the desire to be whatever I am meant to be in that moment.
