...or talk to him, or have coffee/dinner/drinks with him. You need his permission--period.
Really,
that is it. Granted, he and I do have strict rules about STI testing
and putting one's dick in crazy, so he isn't exactly waving said dick
around hoping it will land in someone, but if the conditions of our
relationship are met, and all appropriate consents are in place, he can
have sex with whomever he likes. He can also kiss whomever he likes,
play with whomever he likes, and generally spend time with whomever he
likes (all three of which are much more likely to happen than actual
sex!).
I have written several times about how much it
pisses me off when people ask him for permission to do anything to my
body (see exhibits A and B), so it would be hypocritical of me to expect permission about his body and/or time to be asked of me.
Do
we discuss time we are going to spend with others? Of course. Do we
discuss any potential sex or any possible play outside of a party?
Absolutely. But the reality is that we do not give each other
"permission" in anything but the larger sense.
Do I
want basic courtesy from anyone with whom he is involved? Yes, yes I do.
They need to know I exist, and they need to be respectful of my time
and relationship. But, they are not under any obligation to run anything
past me.
He is the one who has to check with me, to
make sure I am okay, to see if I have any reservations. He is in this
relationship and so owes that to me as the other person in the
relationship (as he owes it to anyone else he may be in a serious
relationship with).
I generally feel the same way about
anyone I am going to play with, though if their partner would like to
talk to me first I certainly respect that. My basic feeling is that we
are all adults, and I trust if someone is going to play with me they
have whatever their version of permission is for said play.
I
do tend to thank their partners after the play as a gesture of
community and niceness and all-around good feeling, and I like it when
someone does the same with me--but, to me, that is not the same as
asking for permission. That is acknowledging that another person shared
their time and energy (in the form of their lover) with me, and the
openness is appreciated.
