Non-monogamy reboot

This was how it should be. Yes, I know that no one should say "should" but fuck being politically, or kink, correct. The first time I played with G felt exactly how non-monogamy should.

I had just come out of a relationship with an engaged couple--the course of which never did run smooth. We had some very good times, but I basically spent four months trying to keep her happy so that we could continue to have good times. Eventually, she realized that she could not handle the idea that he also loved me, and so she exercised her veto power on the whole relationship, and that was that.

The relationship before that one involved a lot of miscommunication, and periods where the existing female partner of my lover thought that I wanted her gone, that I wanted to take her place and destroy their relationship. So, again, me trying to keep people happy in an effort to make things run smoothly.

So I was understandably nervous when I was facing the prospect of play with a married man, even though I knew and liked his wife, and she seemed completely cool with our flirting.

On our first "date," I met them at a local dungeon--I think there was a presenter that night, but I only think that because I have a memory of he and I sitting on the hard chairs holding hands. I have no actual memory of anyone standing at the front of the room and talking. The rest of the evening was spent with the three of us on the sofa in the social area watching porn. There was a lot of cuddling, and a lot of giggling, but no play. It was lovely.

I spent the night at their house--in the guest room--and the next day we went on a hike with a group from SMART. During the hike, she went ahead and left  us to wander through the woods alone, then, in the car on the way back to thier house, she informed us that she would be going out for a few hours and that the house was ours to enjoy.

I was a wee bit floored.

Here was a woman who was totally secure in her relationship--who understood, and really felt, compersion. She made me feel comfortable and in no way guilty about spending time with her husband. I admit that I had started to get jaded about non-monogamy, and its long-term realistic prospects. That weekend re-affirmed my desire to live a non-monogamous life.

OPEN revelations

My OPEN group met tonight at my house and several things became clear to me:

1. I enjoy being the center of attention.

2. I adore being part of a cuddle puddle, especially when, as was the case tonight, that cuddle puddle  involves the man I am in love with and two men that I crush on :-)

3. The people in my group represent an amazing cross-section of non-monogamy and contain a great deal of knowledge.

4. Trying to explain/defend non-monogamy to a monogamous person just makes my commitment to a non-monogamous lifestyle stronger.

Okay, to be fair, none of these things is really a surprise--but they occur me again tonight as I am sitting here and thinking about the meeting :-)

I'm back...

It has been a year since I posted on this blog, and in that year I have been through a ridiculous number of poly pitfalls and successes that I am finally ready to write about.

The focus of the year has been on single poly people falling in love. Sounds great, right? It is, it is amazingly awesome and wonderful, but there is so damn much that I didn't know and never counted on! In the next few months I will write about jealousy and compersion, about safe-sex and, more realistically, risk-aware sex, and about building a strong relationship when non-monogamy seems to be kicking your ass.

I hope it will be informative, and helpful--I know it will be for me, because I don't know yet what I will write, and I don't know to what emotional places it will take me. What I do know is that it has been too long since I took pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard), and that Literary Wench has a lot to say!