Friday, June 15, 2012


I run a discussion group which meets once a month to discuss ethical non-monogamy, and I have been thinking lately about what that actually means, and how hard it is to live up to sometimes. This was brought on by a temptation that I faced recently which would have been unethical in several different ways—none of which mattered in the moment. I would have gone ahead and fucked the person I wanted to fuck if we had been in any kind of position to make it happen, and in the weeks since this meeting I have had to fight every single day to keep myself from putting us in that position.

A large part of me can’t but feel hypocritical, but I keep trying to remind myself that I am human and more than capable of making mistakes.

I also have to keep reminding myself that no matter how much I want this person, and no matter how amazing the sex would be and feel, to be non-ethical would feel much worse.

But—if we find ourselves in that position again, I, well, I just don’t know.


Lucius Scribbens said...

Just my thoughts, but for this situation, with this person, to be unethical, then something is amiss in your other (or their other) relationship that for some reason this relationship can't be brought to light or is unapproved of by someone else.

I could be wrong, but that seems to be the situation I see the most. And which is usually the problem with veto powers.

Unknown said...

It is very complicated--but yes, generally when there is a chance of it being unethical there is another involved. There are things that I can make public, and things which are better left being vague. This is most definitely the latter.