It is to be expected that sexuality will be ramped up in a
group of openly kinky people. It is not uncommon for me to go to a SMART Energy
meeting, for example, and have a certain girl grope my breasts through my
clothing, or to feel the sharp bite of a friendly top on my neck. These things
would not happen in most other groups in which I am a member, but they are an
accepted part of my particular kink culture.
On the other hand, there are things that aren’t acceptable
no matter how kinky we are.
At a recent kink gathering a person made an offensive joke
about gay men. In talking with A about it later, we talked about mores, and he
commented that because of the nature of the group it is entirely possible that
this person thought such a joke was appropriate. This is a concept I just
cannot grasp—how on earth does someone not know that bigoted jokes are
inappropriate?
I thought about this some more as I went to sleep, then even
more when I woke up, and this is what I came to:
Yes, the mores are different, but basic humanity and
participating in the world in a responsible way is not specific to non-kink
situations—to suggest otherwise insults me as a thinking, kinky adult.
We are not especially enlightened human beings—we are just
kinky. We are capable of being bigoted, racist, homophobic, misogynistic, and
just plain ignorant and uninformed. Someone should not get a pass on that
ignorance just because he or she likes to have their ass caned.
