Thursday, August 27, 2015

Polyamory deal breakers

Because I am actively on the non-monogamy play partner hunt, here are my poly relationship deal breakers both in terms of possible new relationships and what might kill an existing relationship:
1. Monogamy. I know this may sound silly considering the topic, but I was asked more than once before I got married if I would become monogamous now that I found the right man. The answer is no, because non-monogamy has nothing to do with whether or not I have found the “right” person. I feel that Danny is very right for me, but he and I will never be monogamous. I understand that different relationships have different guidelines of what is acceptable, but non-monogamy in some form will always be on the table.
2. Absolute veto power. The relationship before Danny ended because one of the three involved had that absolute power, and when the emotional connection between the other two became more than she wanted, she used it. I understand a need for some kind of veto power, but it must be a last resort. Once everyone is emotionally involved, using that power without intense discussion simply cannot be an option. I will not put myself in that position again.
3. I cannot be a secret. If you can't tell your other partner/s about me, then we simply should not be considering a relationship. This means that if you state that your relationship is, "don't ask don't tell" I will probably just walk away rather than risk being a part of someone's lie.
4. The cover-up. I do not know if my partner having sex with someone outside of our boundaries would end the relationship, that would require discussion—but I do know that covering up that act, or covering up anything that would have an impact on our relationship, would. Mistakes happen, dishonesty is deliberate.
5. Putting my health at risk. I don’t care if you don’t like wearing condoms—if we are fluid bonded there can’t be any other fluid bonding with anyone else unless I agree. I offer the same in return.
I think that just about covers it.

1 comment: said...

I agree whole heartedly with you. I am in a loving, sex-filled relationship (she and I met in the THIRD GRADE and partied some in high school) but I'd not seen nor talked to her in THIRTY YEARS! Everything is great: we travel and eat very well and both love absolutely the same things (books, films, cities, politically and religiously the same views, it's great, just ... I think she loves me more than I do her ... it's hard to explain: I would marry her in a heartbeat and I've been faithful for 7 months with her, so far, I just ... I wish I could have some STRANGE, that's it: I could use some different pussy ... some times.